The Uni Unicorn

Everyone had always been told that there was a unicorn that prowled the forest. The thing is that no one had ever seen it. How did they know it was real? How could they believe in something they couldn’t see?

Well, just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it doesn’t leave behind hints of its existence. For instance, if anyone cared to look close enough, they would find that the forest was pock marked with holes roughly the size and length of a unicorn’s horn. Not many people had noticed these holes.

One day a short, opportunistic troll happened across a smartly placed unicorn hole. Recently, the troll had been caught slacking off at work. The time he should have spent sharpening his picks he preferred to spend picking dandelions. Realizing an opportunity when he saw one, he ran to his boss and bragged how he’d managed to make his tools so sharp that they could leave perfect punctures in wood.

Upon seeing the size of the hole and how cleanly it had been made, his boss realized that the troll had been under utilized and promptly promoted him. Thrilled and pleased with himself, the troll treated himself to a round of brandy at the local pub. Rosy cheeked and a bit drunk, the troll sang songs of his prowess as a tool sharpener as he made his way home. His voice could be heard echoing loudly throughout the forest.

The troll set his bird alarm to “bright and early” and hit the sack.

That night, the troll was haunted by strange dreams. He thought he heard a voice taunting him about his tools. The dream made him feel anxious and uncomfortable. He woke up in a sweat and decided to chalk his nightmares up to bad brandy.

The next day the troll struts proudly around his coworkers, enjoying his new-found superiority. His fellow workers clamor for him to showcase his superb hole making skills.

As the troll prepares himself, the unicorn appears in the background. Suddenly, all eyes are on the unicorn as he drills the most perfect holes anyone has ever seen. Stunned, they turn around and challenge the troll to create holes that can stand up to the unicorn’s. Not about to be caught in his own lie, the troll drills a few quality holes. Though they’re nice, they’re not even in the same ballpark as those of the unicorn. The unicorn has joined the group of the troll’s coworkers, watching the troll struggle and toil.

Realizing his failure, the troll turns around to his fellow trolls and proclaims that though he may not be able to best the unicorn with his set of blades, he could still do something with them. They ask him what that is and in one quick motion he’s cut the unicorn’s horn off.